December 08th, 2006

It's early morning, and I'm frustrated. Heh, imagine that.... a English major who is frustrated because he can't write a open-ended 8-page arguable thesis. Maybe I should've saw this coming when I became a English major. Then again, maybe it could be the course asking for too much in wanting a final paper AND a final exam. In any case, it's due today and I'm sitting here staring at my white black screen with nothing more but a page and a half of essay. Worse yet, my thesis once again is not arguable. What does that mean? It means I'm back to square one at a point where it's pretty much you stick with what you have or you drown. I basically treaded water for the past five weeks trying to write this paper and drowned. This is a feeling I never in my life experienced before, and quite honestly it sucks. It basically comes down to - I thought about possible thesises for 5 weeks and came up with nothing. Nada. Zip. I probabily will ask for a extension to monday, if that will even help at all. To be honest though, without this essay I dont have a glimmer of hope of passing this class. And since I have basically drowned, I basically have failed. Again.

I'm starting to doubt myself. What my abilities are, what my purpose in life is. I'm I forever stuck as someone who can pick up the basics but fail the advanced? My confidence has sunk practically all the way to the core of the earth, and honestly, while I know eventually I'll crawl out, I'm starting to doubt what future I even have. Anyway, i'm going to leave it here. I need to get back to struggling in the water of writing a open-ended 8-page arguable paper.

Mood: Downright Frustration.